Transgendered Canadian

Well it's officially December 25, 2009 (Christmas for most of us, to others, happy holidays).

I just came back from outside wearing a miniskirt and a light sweater top. To my surprise, I was not cold. It's currently +1C outside. Tomorrow (Later today) it's suppose to be +6C by the afternoon. It will be one warm Christmas!

I re-wrote an old application project I did over 3 years ago. I didn't realize that 3 years as passed by since! The project I had finished still worked to do this day. I only merely re-wrote it to introduce a couple of new parameters and change the GUI style to accommodate the fact the I now work a little more with physical front end GUI design.

I also have a couple of websites out there in the world that I own, which I also decided to update and to my surprise I looked at my traffic stats and I was impressed. Although the websites are merely target for local city traffic I was still amazed at the results.

Apart from everything else we are closing out on year 2009 and I must say it was one heck of a year. I learned lots, lived lots and loved every moment of it.

My transition itself, I had numerous hair colors throughout 2009, and finally decided that brown would be my idealistic color. I also have been getting a lot of compliments out in the real world and many doors are literally opened for me.

Let's see what 2010 brings! :D Merry Christmas, happy New Year!

On the big day, I will be undergoing SRS as well as partial FFS.

The DUO of Dr. B's will be cutting at my flesh from top to bottom!

My jaw will go untouched as the Dr. said he cannot work on the jaw while im under SRS. (Perhaps for some kind of time allowment while im under anesthesia).

What will be done is brow burring (Cranialplasty) with Nose reshaping (Rhinoplasty) and a brow lift.

While my forehead seems a little high, the brow lift will bring my profile into alignment where it will (appear) to be smaller then it actually is.

Also the profile of my nose will change and in a overall appearance everything should be "ok".

I will not mention any quoted price on the web however, in CDN funds, I think that this surgery is pretty cheap and affordable.

;)

-Sara

We finally have a snowfall that is sticking around near the end of October in my city.

These pictures were taken a couple of days ago and the snow is still here as of today.

After winter hits good, this is how Montreal should like like when I go for my surgery as the snow melts.

Maybe if im lucky all the snow will be gone and the birds will chirp :)

I know for sure by the end of my stay in Montreal I should be seeing the sunny sunshine weather or not the snow is here or not

As a lot of you may know is that I am a diabolitical technologist, is that even a word? Meh, who cares...

Basically from the dawn of my time, being in diapers(Pampers brand) up to today's present day, is that I have always loved technology based related things.

It all started when I was merely give or take 2 years old.. I have the slightess memory of having an obsession on how the tv remote worked.

In the past when I was a kid the tv remotes for floor model televisions would be like 10 times the size of my hand, nearly double the size of my head. Too put it frankly, it was nearly the size of my torso. Perhaps that last one was a little exagurrated but most of you get the point.

Watching my dad countless times use a screwdriver to open stuff, I decided to do this.. I had removed all the screws from the television remote and pulled the casing apart, I was foiled by my incoming mother! She remembers this very well.

When I was the age of 5, I was starting to watch a large amount of movies which my parents had a wide collection of, my favorite movie back then was childsplay 1 and 2, as well as BloodSport(The original with JCVD).

I remember one day, the VCR(Video Casette Recorder) would cease to function before me as I wanted to watch BloodSport. So I decided to open the VCR again by removal all screws and splitted the shell. (Remember I was 5 year) It was pretty tough, but I was a tough kid back then.

With the shell open I was introduced to huge capacitors and large resistors, with a couple of IC's. The one target I had in mind was the head or brains of the operation for the VCR. I pulled the head apart and noticed that one of the readers were loose.

I decided to remove it and notice there was a broken piece of plastic, I gimmicked a plastic washer and re-assembled everything and tested my video, it worked! I was amazed!

Around this age amongst other older systems I had, my parents handed me my first Win3.1 computer which back then I was like mostly any kid with a computer and just pressing random buttons and opening apps. One day, I went to my uncles brother in law. I noticed he was playing a game on a computer.... It was Duke Nukem! I then proceeded to find out how to use this game on the computer I had. I needed a floppy disk drive which I opened my pc and installed by myself.

I remember playing this game for countless hours besides my collecovision and/or NES system I had. I was mostly interested in what the computer had to offer.

One day, I was really bored and decided to raid the computer to see what other applications it had and what kind of files. I noticed the computer had system files, apps which were not on the desktop etc...

As time went on between early age and pre-teen I would gradually involve myself into new products as I went shopping with either or of my parents.

I remember jumping into the age of 11-12, with knowledge I would gain in the earliest part of my years I began to evolve my knowledge..

One part I am clouded with is exactly why I was driven to alter technology from to which function it should be based on.. I am not exactly sure how to describe none of it neither, it felt as if I lived this life before and I was gaining my old memories of my past.

It was me, the world, and my solderin iron! I would study functions that techlogy was based on as far as electronical components would do. I would remove part by part and create my own circuits and alter paths of electronics to do new and exciting stuff.

It went from creating simple LED loops for a lightshow to altering dynamic functions IC's would have.

This knowledge evolved to wanting to know what makes an IC operate different functions.

That knowledge evolved to reading and writting IC's

That knowledge evolved to dissembling IC's.

That knowledge evolved to studying assembly.

That knowledge evolved to altering coded functions.

That knowledge evolved to re-assembling/compiling

That knowledge evolved to my understanding of circuitry.

During this time give or take on the age I might of been, could of been a tad bit earlier or later since I am clouded is.. basically back then there was a program called mIRC, this program was a client for IRC. I would click on random servers and channel and notice alot of people being kicked and what not. Nobody was really chatting... I remember being on it and not thinking much of it, I would then buy a dreamcast in 1999. I would use the browser and again there was an IRC app. I decided to load this app on the dreamcast and I was connected to a sega server where I could finally chat with some people.

I would notice automated things that would happen amongst IRC users as if they were a robot or something was happening. I returned to mIRC shortly a couple of months in and tried to get on this sega server with this application/client. I was successful, I then began to chat through mIRC and didn't know of it's potential that was lurking within it.

I would finally see colored text, almost like a rainbow display of automated actions and shortly to find out these were script written automated commands by users.

I explored mIRC's readme's and notice its Remote Editor, which lead to the help file. I then began to realize the link between a coded IC and scripted (scripts). I really go into it for a short while written simple scripts as slapping people to dynamic scripts that use socket's to parse data from the web back to mIRC.

After this wide revolution I then learnt how programs were made in Windows and Linux. This is where I would study C++ concepts andd apply them with scripted knowledge I learnt from mIRC. Everything became clear to me.

After studying many open source applications I found ways to intercept applications. As for example, I would dissemble a few applications and remove simple things as an evaluation period. I would then create an automated script that would apply this DATA automatically as a patch after studying some patches that were made.

After this evolution came much stronger things like intercepting data from comm links which the first thing I ever intercepted on my own was, [I cannot publicly say] for my protection. This evolved into what I know today...

Nowadays as with any recent languages out there, they all have a commonality which allow you take old based knowledge and apply it towards the new language. From ASM to C++ I know my share. And for electronics, mostly anything that stumbles across my path weither be broken or not I attempt to fix.

Now being that is said, only if I feel I have time I will spend time fixing it but otherwise I don't touch it.

Any old school applied knowledge vs. new things can easily compare circuitry and fix most problems.

What old knowledge vs. new knowledge as allowed me to be? It allowed me to be someone who can evolve around problems, I seem to have a clearer understanding of how everything works enough that I self learn and program myself to know of any new problems.

I might be gramatically challenge due to my French/English background, French being my native language, but I can assure you when it comes to computer langugage operations make no mistake about it, I have stumbled across many paths.

I love technology! I grew up with it, I made my mark with it!

I awoke this morning to notice my garage roof full of snow. I thought I was merely imagining things but the reality was present!

The white sticky stuff was all over and didn't melt till later on in the day when tempatures rose to 2C.

This is also a sign that this is the season where I will be stumbling in Montreal around the time that snow is melting give or take depending on the expansion of this seasons winter.

So of course today's day specifically would be amongst the one's im looking forward to, in order to be a step closer to my goal.

On another note, being that it's thanksgiving and all, I may "finally" get to see the one person that I am still unsure if she accepts me or not still tomorrow which is none other then my grandmother.

If she accepts, then I will have successfully broke through everyone's shield. My grandmother's standing is $null as I never spoke to her about it, but I can only think of things she said in the past as judgements towards not only me but others which makes me iffy :)

Of course you never know how one feels about the situation till you face your demon's.

Time will tell... I will keep you updated :)

xox

-Sara

I awaken this morning by a knock at my door, as I got up I kinda had a hot flash.

Yesterday, while I was watching the new movie "Couples Retreat" I had an hardcore laughter which was beyond a regular laughter. Then at one part of the movie when the one of the couples had broken up it made me weep like I was a little child. Now when im talking about this weeping its not your basic weep I had a spike as if I needed to cry.

Basically during the whole week I had a variation of moods from different spikes and levels. I was taken my estrogen sublingually(sp?) and I started just to swallow them now. Therefore this can merely be the variation and slight widthdrawls that my body is getting.

Since this is Thanksgiving long weekend, I will have to wait till Tuesday in order to get some blood work gone and look at my estrogen and tosterone free levels.

Ahh, the joys and life of being a woman, the benefit is even though I have this mood spike, I am left without a Menstrual Cycle! YES!

xox

-Sara

Finally I setup an appointment for April 14th, 2010.

I will be undergoing SRS surgery with possibly a butt lift at this time.

The surgeon in question will be non other then Dr. Brassard himself as Menard retires in November 2009.

I can finally cross off this big surgery off my list very soon.

I finally got a cleaner answer that I was looking for...

My gender is now changed on my actual drivers license... yay one step at a time. I was also able to see the original HOT doctor responsible for my first script. I am currently sitting at 2 years, 8 months into HRT and I have been proud since.

I am months away from the big surgery. I am sure looking forward to it in every possible way.

I am also now a blonde from being a brunette for so long. I must say that blonde looks very good on me. Oddly, I have been getting much and much more attention then ever before.

This round trip to Toronto this time was full of good news.

I am so happy :)

In a short 5 days from now, I will find out a time frame of when I will be able to get surgery. All I am awaiting upon are two simple letters. Unfortunately, I have to follow the SOC formulation that was build more then a decade ago. Ah, I just want to be free from this horrid secret.

On another note I had a consultation with Dr. Z yesterday which I liked the price quote that he gave me on FFS. I should be going for this once, I find out my position with SRS. Dr. Z certainly makes you feel comfortable that he can cut at your face and make you beautiful. Unlike other consulted doctors, Dr. Z is there as a friend and doctor and is ready to answer your questions.

It's been nearly 5-6 years in the making since I have went full time, yet, I am left with a faint scar of not knowing when the big surgery will take place.

I have been the most patient I could literally be, yet I must admit that in this life of fast lanes, its certainly holding me back for greater purposes.

All I can do is wait at this moment...

T'was a couple of night before christmas of 2006... December 12 2006 I recall. I began to take estrogen along with spironalctone.

I of course started on a small dose and gradually advanced to a dose that was worth the wait.

As the effects slashed my muscles and changed my body weight and amongst other things, the happier I became.

I now stand at 4 months shy from a 3 year period. I can never look back, the more I progress, the male side fades away with every second and breath.

All thanks to a certain therapist who pointed me to the right doctor. This doctor then proceed to do a small evaluation of his own and proceeded to write me a script.

I was more happy then words can be put togheter, I am still speechless to this day.

Oh my oh my, how I admire this doctor in question! He's a pretty good looking doctor as well :D

I continue to draw blood and watch the levels, but the levels are more then sufficient standards.

What hormones have done for me...

• Soft Skin
• Weight Redistributon
• Take away the angryness within
• Shed away muscles as if I had a gremlin eating at them
• Bloat
• Hot Flashes
• Rid of severe headaches I had
• Breast Growth
• Rid of that nasty male aroma
• Reduce arm/leg hair growth
  

• Change Voice
• Reduce Beard Growth

Snow might be around the corner for my city...

Snow, seems to never stop when it starts. It falls to the ground which isn't smart.

Slip and slide it makes you do! It is nothing short then my hairdo!

I take the snow machine out to ride. I blaze the trails with nothing to hide.

Sometimes oh I wish I lived in a warmer city. I wouldn't be left in this puddle of pity.

Then I realize that hot weather is icky. It makes you icky.

I take that back I love the cold! I cuddle my bear tightly and feel like gold!

Basically I currently have an odd lower body ratio. On my next surgery, i'd like to have fat from my torso grafted to equalize my ratio. Shown in black is somewhat close to the current form, while the green part is the new graft area and possibly the hip bone needs to be shaved a little.

One night hospital stay, and couple day recovery just for a small procedure such as this. Grafting will require liposuction from an area with excess body fat, and it will be transfered and become a new host of a chosen area on my body.

Total cost with meds and taxes? Nearly $5,000.00 CDN not to bad. This includes local anestesia and hospital fee's.
I can also do a tax claim on this medical surgery, oddly they accept most surgeries wether or not it is luxury or not a taxable deduction. W00t, woot for Canada.

This procedure will possibilly occur sometime in October or end of September area. It all depends how busy work is and if I get a decent time window somewhere..

So basically I am so anxious to wait for the results of what will happen for the final and last surgery.

It's been way too long since the wait of surgery! I want to this now, and now..

I weep...

I start to ponder...

Life has its wonders
It certainly makes you ponder.

When will I be complete as one?
Time will tell as I wait near the phone.

I strive on going by the book..
Yet I am always left off the hook.

When will this wait end?
I really need this to happen!

Please oh please let me free.
I don't want to spend my time drinking coffee!

I sit all nervously in a panic of wait.
Yet I feel like all I am is simply bait.

They say you need real life experience to move on..
Yet I sit here with experience that is beyond!

They say they needed proof..
I gave them more then enough through the roof!

I sometimes weep at the overall thought.
When will the day come, the final step, I sought...

So I finally decided to try out blogger and a couple of other things floating out there in this generation.

I am not all too happy that there is so many of these things out there, but what am I to do.

:)